12 Of The Most Ridiculous Political Promises Ever Made

If you’ve been keeping up with the election, your faith in humanity is probably long gone by now.

And mine is, too. It flew right out the window and told me it’s never coming back, so see you never, hopes and dreams. While this batch of politicians is blessed with a unique brand of crazy, political weirdos have been spewing absolute nonsense since humans started governing themselves.

In honor of campaign season, let’s take a look at some of the most bizarre promises that professional crazy people have ever made. (And you know we’ll get to you, Donald.)

1. While George Dubya doesn’t exactly have a ton of fans, Dennis Kucinich’s vow to have him arrested back in 2008 was a bit excessive.

Getty Images

2. Queen of Ridiculousness Sarah Palin promised to be “more rogue” the next time she ran for president, presumably in an effort to use her favorite word again. She was so rogue, in fact, that she didn’t run at all.

Getty Images

3. Rick Santorum further embarrassed my home state by declaring a war on porn, because focusing on actual issues is stupid. He specifically wanted to ban hard-core porn, because porn of the soft-core variety is evidently A-okay in his book!

Getty Images

4. Vermin Supreme might be a mock politician, but his promise to give every American a pony back in 2012 is something that I’m still waiting for this year’s candidates to revisit.

Getty Images

Bernie, I feel like this one’s for you.

var OX_ads = OX_ads || []; OX_ads.push({ slot_id: “537251602_56f4a3c79d8de”, auid: “537251602” });

5. Professional Hater of Reading Herman Cain promised to veto any bill longer than 3 pages back in 2011, because if it couldn’t be decided over dinner, it had no place in politics. In other news, he probably loves Twitter.

Getty Images

6. When Jello Biafra, former frontman of the Dead Kennedys, confusingly ran for Mayor of San Francisco in 1979, he promised to make all businessmen wear clown suits. Basic logic would dictate that The Donald was his sole inspiration.

Getty Images

That being said, I feel like this suit would suffice.

7. Captain Insanity, otherwise known as Newt Gingrich, swore back in 2012 that the U.S. would have a colony on the moon by 2020.

Getty Images

I’m going to assume that he did not propose this as a way to escape a planet murdered by global warming.

8. Melting cat Ted Cruz recently vowed to make tritone music — otherwise known as the Devil’s jam — illegal when he slithers his way into the Oval.

Getty Images

var OX_ads = OX_ads || []; OX_ads.push({ slot_id: “537251604_56f4a3c79da5b”, auid: “537251604” });

9. John Edwards, who is also a doctor in his own mind, once promised that he and John Kerry would cure Parkinson’s, diabetes, and Alzheimer’s over the course of one stint in the White House, because realism is definitely his thing.

Getty Images

10. Al Gore poetically promised to keep George W. Bush all up out of the White House by assuring us that zebras don’t change their spots. Science.

Getty Images

11. Trump’s opposition to NAFTA isn’t insane in and of itself, but his reasoning behind it is a little ridiculous, since he apparently finds people across North America — U.S. citizens included — dumb. In his words, “Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.”

Getty Images

And maybe he’s not wrong, since Americans are voting for him in the primaries.

12. Michele Bachmann once swore that she would pull U.S. troops out of Libya and Africa.

Getty Images

She also loves peanut butter sandwiches and sandwiches filled with peanut butter.

(via Complex)

This list just proves that political absurdity is not confined to certain parties, but instead, permeates the entire system. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it? Same.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/insane-political-promises/

Julie Bishop Describes Serious Diplomatic Relationships With Emoji

Exclusive: World’s first political emoji interview.

Australia’s foreign affairs minister, Julie Bishop, simply loves using emojis to make a point. In a BuzzFeed News exclusive, we sat down with her for the world’s first political emoji interview.

Lukas Coch for BuzzFeed / AAP Images

1. We started off with a simple one to get the ball rolling.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

2. But it turns out that her emoji patronus is a monkey.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

3. When asked to hand out emoji spirit animals to others, she gave prime minister Tony Abbott the running man. Is he running to his right?

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

4. And the man tipped to challenge Abbott for the top job got the iPhone. Is that because he loves working the phones?

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

5. Meanwhile, she thinks Russian President Vladimir Putin is embodied in the red-faced angry man.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

Lukas Coch for BuzzFeed / AAP Images

6. Bishop is famous for her morning running routine. Does she enjoy a dance also? Maybe.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

7. And when it comes to her downtime…

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

8. …she’s just like us tbh.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

9. But what about some serious emoji-plomacy? Let’s put Australia’s relationships into perspective.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

10. Then there’s Australia’s biggest trading partner and Asian neighbour.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

11. Australia’s most intense relationship at the moment is with Indonesia, which is set to execute two Australians for drug smuggling. The presence of “pensive face” is telling here.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

Lukas Coch for BuzzFeed / AAP Images

12. Bishop’s position on marriage equality is “open hands”, which in this case could be interpreted as “jazz hands”.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

Lukas Coch for BuzzFeed / AAP

13. The other elephant in the room is Bishop’s soaring popularity, which comes as Abbott’s sinks. So does she want his job?

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

14. And finally, we found out her secret weapon emoji.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

It’s the emoji mind of Australia’s forward-thinking foreign minister.

Mark Di Stefano/BuzzFeed

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/markdistefano/emoji-plomacy

I Had No Idea This Was The World’s Scariest Job, But It Actually Makes Sense.

Take a minute. What’s the scariest job that you can possibly imagine yourself having? If you’re like a majority of Americans, the scary job you thought of was being a politician. Yep, that’s right, Americans are afraid of being politicians. This is according to a survey of 56,857 Americans conducted by the jobs website CareerBuilder.com.

If being a politician is at the top of people’s scary jobs lists, what other terrifying positions are in the top 10? I think you’re going to be surprised. 

10.) Parent.

There are more parental jobs in the United States than you can count. But being a parent makes people nervous for well…pick a reason. There are so many.

9.) Stand-Up Comedian.

40 percent of Americans are afraid of public speaking. So it only makes sense that those people would also be deathly afraid of performing in public whether it’s as a comedian or some other form of entertainment.

8.) Radio, Cellular, and Tower Equipment Technicians. 

Do you have a fear of heights? Well then this job is definitely not for you. I personally couldn’t imagine spending my days strapped to the top of a giant structure trying to install expensive, high tech equipment. 

7.) Mortician. 

I think it’s telling of the real fears of Americans that this job is so far down the list. Nevertheless it is a pretty creepy job to have, especially if you’re afraid of zombies. The morticians are always the first ones to go in zombie movies.

6.) Animal Trainer.

This one might depend a bit on which animals you’re trying to train. I think it’d be less terrifying to train puppies, than it would be to train sharks or tigers. Then again, maybe not much if you have allergies. 

5.) Crime Scene Investigator.

For this job most people say they’re afraid of the blood, and the disappointment of telling people that the job is nothing like it is on TV. 

4.) Kindergarten Teacher.

I totally understand this one. Have you ever seen a room full of kindergartens that wasn’t in, or near total chaos? These teachers are the bravest among us. Not to mention all those little kid germs. Yuck.

3.) Security Guard At Teen Pop Concerts.

People say that this job scares them because of the fear of being stampeded by hoards of screaming tweens. I also share this fear.

2.) Microbiologist.

One word explains why people are afraid of this job: Ebola.

1.) Politician.

Yes, being a politician is the scariest job to have in America. I suppose it’s not hard to see why. It’s the perfect storm of the fear of public speaking, rejection, and a huge level of accountability. Yeah thanks, but no thanks.

(H/T: Huffington Post)

To be honest, I expected more people to be afraid of being a stand-up comedian than a politician. I suppose we can at least thank our elected officials for taking on the jobs that no one really wants, right?

Read more: http://viralnova.com/the-worlds-scariest-jobs/