23 Times Neil DeGrasse Tyson Was So Sassy It Hurt

Astrophysicist with attitude.

1. On the end of the world:

2. On measuring the length of blood vessels:

3. On intelligent life:

4. On alternative medicine:

5. On professional athletes:

6. On middle fingers:

If we had twelve fingers, there’d be no middle finger to flip at people with whom you’ve run out of words to communicate.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

7. On The Los Angeles Angels:

Does it disturb anyone else that “The Los Angeles Angels” baseball team translates directly to “The The Angels Angels”?

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

8. On “toxins”:

The likelihood that a person uses the word “toxin” correlates strongly with how much Chemistry the person does *not* know

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

9. On Snoop Dogg:

If @RealJeffreyRoss and other comedians honored @SnoopDogg, would that be a “Pot Roast”?

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

10. On July 4th:

July 4 – Happy Birthday USA. Celebrating the day we declared Independence, and not the day we actually achieved it.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

11. On “total eclipses”:

Total Eclipses occur every couple of years or so. If anyone calls them “rare”, ask if they feel that way about the Olympics.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

12. On the state of television:

America 2012: The Learning Channel has HoneyBooBoo, History Channel has PawnStars: and the Science Channel has PumpkinChunkin

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

13. On the “Super Moon”:

Moon Lunacy strikes again: The impending Supermoon is to an average full Moon what a 16″ Pizza is to a 15″ Pizza. So chillax.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

14. On hip-hop:

I’m quite sure that Frogs were into Hip-Hop long before the music industry was.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

15. On soccer players:

I wonder what Rugby players think every time they see a Soccer player crying in pain from being grazed by another player.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

16. On psychics:

A news headline you hardly ever see: “Psychic Wins the Lottery Again”

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

17. On Spanish sportscasters:

Good thing Spanish fútbol sportscasters don’t announce basketball, they’d spend 1/3 of playing time saying “Goooooooooooool”

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

18. On plane cabins:

Flight Attendants say: “Cabin pressurized for your comfort & safety.” What they mean is: “otherwise you’d freeze & suffocate”

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

19. On “Miss Universe”:

Astrophysicists are monitors of extreme adjectives. Which is why “Miss Universe” to us is just “Miss Earth”.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

20. On airport customs:

Had to wait in line to renew a Passport allowing me to visit members of my own species across artificially conceived borders.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

21. On Olympic curling:

I occasionally wonder whether people who are good at Olympic Curling are also good at sweeping out the basement.

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

22. On Red Bull Stratos:

I’m told somebody’s jumping out of a perfectly good balloon from 23-miles up. The theory of gravity no longer needs to be tested in this way

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

23. And on his DJ name:

If I were ever to become a Hip-hop DJ,I think I’d choose the name “MC-squared”

— neiltyson (@Neil deGrasse Tyson)

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jarrylee/astrophysicist-with-attitude

These 21 Kids Brilliantly Outsmarted Their Tests. The Kid Who Answered #4… GENIUS.

If your parents or family have ever complained about your time as a child, take that as a compliment. The hardest children to raise are often the most clever; they can just outwit their parents, making life hard for them. Take these kids for example. They knew what their teachers wanted them to do… but they decided to do something way more awesome. Most adults wouldn’t be able to think of responses that are this witty or clever. Even though these are the wrong answers, I would have given theses kids an A+.

1.) An understandable solution to the formula.

2.) Give them points for creativity. C’MON.

3.) A valid possibility.

4.) BOOM.

5.) Clever girl.

6.) What a straight shooter.

7.) … she isn’t WRONG.

8.) Accurate!

9.) Someone has Katniss Everdeen on the brain.

10.) It’s still a “beer law.”


12.) Oh how I hope they got credit for this…

13.) TOTALLY, dude.

14.) LOL.

15.) You were all thinking it.

16.) And you marked it WRONG?

17.) This kid knows his stuff.

18.) Yikes.

19.) The flair stars add credibility.

20.) Bruce Willis would get the job done.

21.) I hope he followed that answer with a mic drop.

(H/T Life Buzz) Those teachers must have had a difficult time marking their answers as “wrong.” Even if the kids didn’t study or didn’t know the answer, they were still obviously clever. Gold stars shouldn’t just be for successfully answering a question, they should also be awarded for sharp wit and sarcasm.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/funny-kids-answer-tests/

This Guy Rescued A Few Raccoons. Now They’ve Taken Over His Garage And His Life.

Wootfatigue earns a living working on antique cars and shooting odd photography jobs. When he’s not at work he scours the internet to find the answers to some of life’s toughest questions, such as “will pee damage tires?” Now, while that might seem like an outright stupid question, when a gaze of raccoons takes up residence in your garage, anything is possible.

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That’s right folks, this is what happens when you give a raccoon a cookie.

If you give a raccoon a cookie, he’ll ask you for one more…

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And before long, there’s two more standing at your door.

If you give a raccoon a cookie, even just a bite…

These tiny, furry critters, will never leave your sight.

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If you give a raccoon a cookie, he’ll ask you for a drink.

And before long he’ll start doing some pretty questionable things.

If you give a raccoon a cookie, he’ll think he’s human too.

And he’ll eat up all your scrumptious human food.

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When a man runs out of cookies, he’ll settle for some nuts.

“It’s shopping time. More cookies please! No ifs, ands, or buts.”

All kidding aside, Wootfatigue has grown to love these raccoons as though they were his own children. Let’s just say his cookies bring all the raccoons to the yard.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/raccoon-takeover/

20 Shallow, Ridiculous Reasons Why People Have Broken Up

If you’ve ever tried your hand at the dating game, you know that humans are monstrous creatures.

Okay, most people aren’t that bad, but you have to admit that sitting through awkward dates is kind of the worst. And finding the love of your life? That’s almost impossible.

But even if you’ve dealt with disastrous relationships, I guarantee that no one’s ever cut things off with you for reasons like these (at least I hope not, anyway). From nasty to confusing to downright horrible, these breakup justifications are far from…well…justifiable.

1. “I hated his shoes. They were all square-toed or off-brand sneakers, and he’d wear them with jeans.”

2. “He was 29 and had braces.”

3. “I stopped seeing a girl because her skin smelled like burnt toast.”

4. “I couldn’t stand her laugh. She was really cool, and overall we were great, but her laugh was too much to overcome. I kinda regret it now, because she’s doing pretty well.”

5. “I showed her Chappelle’s Show and she was like, ‘What? This isn’t funny.’ She didn’t laugh at any of the sketches at all.”

6. “She put too much mayo on everything she ate. There was more mayo than sandwich. I brought it up with her, and she was very defensive about it. I realized we were done.”

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7. “He was a trainer, and I realized when we were working out that it’d be all butt exercises because he was trying to sculpt his dream woman.”

8. “I didn’t call a girl back after a first date because she had a snot bubble hanging out of her nose through the entire date. She even went to the bathroom, so she either saw it and ignored it, or another one manifested. Either way, she had to go.”

9. “A guy I met at a club took out a business card and handed it to me to pick me up. It said ‘Sophomore, George Washington University.'”


10. “I broke up with a dude for going to a not-great college even though I was at a community college at the time.”

11. “Her vagina made sounds — not occasionally, but constantly — like the horn section of a marching band.”

12. “She wasn’t understanding how to control video games at all, even after trying to teach her multiple times. Like, they were very basic controls, and she was remarkably stumped by them.”

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13. “She was a smoker and coughed during sex.”


14. “I stopped dating a guy because he was a ginger.”

15. “He was a Celtics fan, and the Celtics-Lakers rivalry wouldn’t let me get past that.”

16. “She played new-age music while bathing.”

17. “I dated a guy who cried really easily at not-that-serious things. I broke up with him after a few months.”

18. “I asked a guy to play Super Nintendo with me, and he said playing video games was a waste of time and gave me a lecture about time management, so I never talked to him after that.”

19. “A girl invited me back to her apartment and she turned on a Dane Cook special. We kept trying to make out, but she kept laughing so hard at his jokes that she would have to stop. It was probably the lowest point of my life.”

20. “She had a tendency to defecate upon orgasm. True and horrifying story.”


(via Thought Catalog)

Well, none of my breakups were this insane, so I’m good. Have any funny breakup stories? Post them in the comments!

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/breaking-up/

Here Are 17 Times That Being A Parent Was An Absolute Nightmare. LOL, #5… I Would Get Out The Hose.

Being a parent can be a wonderful, life-fulfilling blessing. It can also be a huge pain. Most kids are messy, but some kids have a PhD in “making your life a living nightmare.” Here are 17 times that kids excelled at creating parenting nightmares that were absolutely epic. If you don’t have kids yet, they’ll make you thankful you don’t. And if you do? Well… you’ll know the pain these parents are feeling right about now.

1.) The time this kid wanted to make a pretty picture.

2.) The time this little girl wanted to help decorate.

3.) The time this little girl refused to let her parents sleep.

4.) The time this iPad got treated to a slobberfest.

5.) The time these kids tried to help their parents paint.

6.) The time this little girl wanted to use the big potty.

7.) The time this dad discovered his son had really good aim.

8.) The time this little guy found the vaseline.

9.) The time this boy found the open bag of flour.

10.) The time this baby wanted to interrupt a Soup marathon.

11.) The time this little girl practiced putting on her nightmare makeup.

12.) The time this baby ruined a birthday cake.

13.) The time these boys wanted to help bake.

14.) The time this baby just wanted seconds.

15.) The time these two went exploring.

16.) The time this little girl tried spaghetti.

(H/T BuzzFeed) I feel sticky just looking at these photos. The most important advice any parent should hear? Buy wet wipes. Lots and lots of wet wipes. Kids are awesomely ridiculous sometimes… share these disasters with others by clicking the button below.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/hilarious-parenting-nightmares/

These People May Have Attitude, But At Least It’s Hilarious.

You may come across some people in life that think they’re the class clown or office wise guy, but they have nothing on the real deal. These people were born with attitudes and sarcasm that simply can’t be stopped. Having someone like this in your life would ensure each day is full of laughter (and probably some headaches).

1.) That’s what it’s supposed to do.

2.) Sure puts an end to that.

3.) The mom traffic sign.

4.) That’s a little sexist.

5.) Poor tradesmen.

6.) Science!

7.) Got her there.

8.) Bey would disagree.

9.) Definitely got the last laugh.

10.) Why not?

11.) Let the bidding begin.

12.) Clever.

13.) Technically, this is what they wanted.

14.) I hope this kid received credit for this.

15.) Lewd.

16.) How considerate.

17.) Zing!

18.) Oh, typos.

19.) Truth.

20.) That’s a little creepy.

21.) Triple sass!

22.) That’s just a scientific fact.

23.) Quite tasty.

24.) I see what you did there.

25.) Stubborn.

26.) Not what I think they meant.

27.) Ctrl+alt+delete.

28.) Good worker.

29.) Dope.

Ah yes… now this is how you properly react to things in life. Some say the wheel was the greatest tool ever invented. Personally, I think sarcasm is.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/smartass/

Here Are 29 Foreign Signs That Spectacularly Failed At English. LOL At #10!

The English language is notoriously difficult to learn for foreigners. It’s not hard to understand why, though. English contains many confusing rules and even exceptions to those rules. (In fact, it seems the English language threw any rule book that there might have been out the window completely.) So, when other countries attempt to use English sub-titles in advertisements and signs? The outcome is usually hilarious. This is called “Engrish,” and it’s awesome. LOL.

1.) Feel shame if you sit down. FEEL SHAME.


2.) Mmm. Love me some sweet camel.


3.) Poor birdies.


4.) Technically, no, but A+ for effort.


5.)… thanks?


6.) Oh man, don’t get in this telephone’s way.


7.) I can see your logic here.




9.) Crust sells the best cars.


10.) Is this for blind people or by blind people? This is important.


11.) … I can see why.


12.) Dang, I’ll take the stairs.


13.) Slippy WAS the worst Starfox character. Steer clear of him (by doing a barrel roll).


14.) Are you sure about that?


15.) So, you’re paying to get rid of your children?


16.) If you’re going to fall, do it right.


17.) Yeah, you tofu person, you.


18.) Much better than the slightly rude and ignorant airport.


19.) The bear, I guess?


20.) An excellent reason not to fall in the pond.


21.) This one is worrisome. What could the original translation POSSIBLY be?


22.) You know what? You make sense, sign.


23.) You can never be too careful.


24.) Good, I hate privatized Mayhem.


25.) Even better advice? Don’t do that in public.


26.) No, but thanks.


27.) Those are the best kind. I hate obnoxiously loud carrots.


28.) I hate old crap. It’s the worst.


29.) No, that’s pretty believable.


(H/T Urlesque) It’s okay to laugh, because they certainly did their best (and at least English would be their second or third language). It’d be much worse if you found any of these signs in Middle America. Share the laughs by clicking on the button below.

Read more: http://viralnova.com/funny-engrish-signs/

These 30 Animal Hybrids Will Blow Your Mind. Except #6… I Just Want To Hug That Thing.

There are so many wonderful animals in our world (and thousands of species we don’t even know exist yet). Sadly, we doubt any of those unknown species are like the hybrid animals you see below. (But I can dream, can’t I?) These hilarious hybrids were created with some clever photo editing and imagination. The world would be a lot cooler if these were real.

1.) Hawkoceros

2.) Whaleguin

3.) Red Llama

4.) Lowland Pugrilla

5.) Pinehootle

6.) Puguin

7.) Eleduck

8.) Guinea lion

9.) Awwstrich

10.) Mantaraffe

11.) Tigles

12.) Pugther

13.) Crabbo

14.) Sharkador Retriever

15.) Chadolphin

16.) Hog

17.) Mushrapus

18.) Leagle

19.) Puggy

20.) BION

21.) Whallow

22.) Nightmare

23.) Great White Bark

24.) Pidgepug

25.) Flamingant

26.) Elemeleon

27.) Slawk

28.) Nightmare #2

29.) MOMMY?

30.) The magnificent Hammereagle

And the winner for Best Hypothetical Animal? Obviously the Puguin. He needs a hug. Which fake animal is your favorite? Share it with your friends!

Read more: http://viralnova.com/hilarious-hybrid-animals/

17 Motivational Posters Every Sarcastic Parent Needs

“Everything will be okay… when your kids are down for the night.”

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/17-motivational-posters-for-sarcastic-parents